self censorship

Sometimes I retreat into a childhood state, say things I regret. I've learned that "I'm sorry" doesn't fix things. Once you've said something hurtful to someone, you can't take it back. Once you've done something cruel to someone, "tomorrow is another day" is not the right philosophy. I care about the people I know; I wouldn't like to think that I could willingly hurt anyone, but I think I can. Why am I so cruel? How can I be so biting? Why is it I can say something so mean to someone, only to regret it intensely the next minute? I have this tempestuous nature that I have trouble controlling. My impulses often get the better of me. And I can't figure out how to begin a new paragraph here so I'm going on and on in one long block. New year's resolutions: control my impulses; learn to give my love freely with no thought of recompense; care more for myself, because I'm on a road to self-destruction that right now I don't have the will to turn away from. Yes, I do have the will (tempestuous me). I'm really strong, though I cry a lot when someone hurts me, and I whine and complain. I wish I had known Walt Whitman; I think we'd have gotten along.